The Prodigal Altar Boy

Tuesday, February 6, 2018

The Prodigal Altar Boy Presents: Self-Selection, Doubt, and Advice from my Mother

Self-Selection, Doubt, and Advice from my Mother

I had an audition this past weekend.  I got in, but more on that later.  I want to talk to you about overcoming the Mentality Of Lack.  The gifts God gave you are complete and fully formed for the tasks you need to do right now.  Logic dictates if we believe that, we should have no qualms using our gifts to serve, right?  Don’t answer that.  I will admit, that while I know my gifts are fully formed and know I have all I need for the task at hand I’m still all nerves sometimes. 

Feeling I don’t belong is a manifestation of the Mindset of Lack and I know that.  My goal is to move from a mindset of doubt to a mindset of certainty.  I wanted to use a quote from my mother, but we’ll have to make a deal before I do that. 

  The Audition

I told you earlier I had an audition and I got the gig! Yay!  I was prepared, the people were nice and I had a good time.  The guy that runs the practice rooms at MusicLab Den Haag knows me by name (well, his name for me, he calls me “Nathan East”) because Redeemer also practices there, so the surroundings were familiar.  The band leader, spent a lot of time walking me through how he wanted the songs and the drummer and I were communicating.  We ran through the setlist, the band leader gave me some notes on a few songs and that was it.

The Doubt

On the way home, I replayed everything, compared it to the Gary Waugh audition checklist and felt good about the whole process.  I knew amended charts and new songs would be out early next week, so no red flags.  The next day, I got a call from the band’s organizer asking me how I felt about the practice.  I had no complaints, said so, and after about thirty more seconds of chit-chat, the organizer told me the bandleader was concerned that I “grooved too much,” and that he and the drummer (how’d he get in there?) like to play “tighter.”  

So yeah, okay. Wait, okay, first we have a language problem, so we had to talk our way through English and Dutch to get to the common musical language we could understand.  Okay, not a problem, I understand what he wants.  I assure the organizer it’s not a problem, but new wrinkle is “well if you do that, won’t if be like you won’t be playing like who you are?”  

Here’s where I would like to tell you something my mother would always say, but you have to promise you will never tell her I told you she said this, because early in her career, she was an English teacher.  Deal?  Okay.  So, while I’m not at a loss for a response, I know there is a reason God wants me here, and I have to do a quick evaluation.  

In my mind, because there’s still doubt that I am good enough, I’m looking for any hint of the possibility of rejection so I can preemptively disengage, when in fact, engagement is the only way we can be salt and light to the world.  So I kept reassuring the organizer it wasn’t a problem, and I think we’re straight.  I know I will have to get with the bandleader (and the drummer) and have them paint me my lanes in the road.  I’m eager to see what God has in store.

That thing my mother used to tell me?  I’ve seen over and over how talented people self-select themselves out of growth opportunities because they feel they don’t belong, don’t fit it, aren’t good enough.  When I was a kid, whenever I would tell my mother about wanting to quit something because I didn’t fit in, or they made fun of me, she would look me in the eyes and say, “You don’t let nobody run you away from nowhere!”  You have just as much right as anybody to be there.  

In fact, if God put you there, then ‘nuff said.

You Are Enough